Memoires of a Devoted Mother - not

So, finally, now that there's nobody home sick this week since the start of the month I keep expecting Ashton Kutcher to pounce out of the fridge and roar at me "You've been punk'd!"

I feel a little uneasy when I leave the house without my phone because I'm absolutely sure the Principal of the school will be leaving multiple messages to ask me how in Gods name could I mix up Swine Flu with a slight runny nose and could I please remove ALL of my daughters from the school IMMEDIATELY.

Amazingly all these OCD feelings seem to disappear at precisely 3pm and then it's the kids who are swinging out of the fridge with yogurts in their hands and biscuits in their pockets and I just keep on stirring the curry on the cooker top while listening to two times tables and spelling words like N E I G H B O U R. In fact I multi-task so well now that I can even take personalized orders for small red tubs of hair wax for a messed up look and while waiting for the rice to cook I can even restyle hair with an up to date, state of the art, side fringe. WOW. "Hay, didn't I just cut your hair last week I ask?" as she skips off to blow dry and flat iron her new hairstyle.

Yeah, it's quiet around here without Spongebobs waves of laughter drilling at a rate of over 20kHz into my ear drums, throwing me off balance as I dish out the dinner and causing me to cover our white west highland terrier with curry sauce so that she now looks exactly like the rest of our freckly family. Why I can hardly tell the difference between her and Audrey these days.