LETTER TO RACHEL aged 16

Dear Rachel,

Last Saturday at 5 am in the morning you got the shock of your life when you came down the stairs and found me standing there in the hall and I must say I was rather surprised myself to see you up and about before 12 noon.

I was up because you and your friend left the kitchen door opened when you went to bed last night and the dog was wandering around on the landing. She only ever comes upstairs when she needs to go out into the garden to wee so I'm presuming you also forgot to let her out into the garden before you went upstairs.

But forget all that. It's not why I'm writing you this letter. This is:

If I hadn't noticed that shadow through the glass on the porch wall I would never have guessed that your friend who was sleeping over had sneaked out at some stage during the night and was only returning then, at 5am, to our house.

This is not good. Let me repeat myself. THIS IS NOT GOOD.

And if you and her think that I believe she had to go out to meet her mother for her anti-biotics and retainer; THINK AGAIN, SWEET CHILD OF MINE. I know it's not true.

Some other fantastic things I know:

I know her Mother.
I know her Mothers telephone number.
I know how to use a phone.

Love Mum