Thursday, May 3, 2007


Yesterday I received the long awaited call from The House of Frazer. They had found my lost and forgotten bookcase. Hurray. It was on their delivery van. Fantastic. They could deliver it at 4 o'clock. In one hour?. Yes, one hour. Yes, yes, yes, but what took you so bloody long you ridiculously, rude, uncooperative, lackadaisical, ignorant woman.
I really wanted to put my hand down the phone and her grab hold of her throat really tight and say
'Look, Anne? ( yes, we are on first name terms at this stage) where's the free lamp thrown in for the inconvenience of waiting FIVE MONTHS AND TWO DAYS for a bloody BOOKCASE??? Come on woman.....SHOW ME THE MONEY.'
"Oh how wonderful, I'll be there" I said.
While I waited I got excited, too excited, in fact. No bookcase warranted the feelings of joy, happiness, relief and thankfulness this bookcase was bringing out in me but then my front room IS stacked high with boxes and boxes of books and Cd's. My paintings are propped up against any available wall along side my paints, brushes and old furniture that doesn't fit in with this new house but which I, pathetically, have a hard time parting with.

One hour later and we're all watching a huge white delivery van reverse down the driveway and deposit this into my hall.

I had visions of a fully assembled low oak bookcase being slid into position and filled with my books all within 15 minutes but no,that would be too easy, right? I thought about calling Anne back and asking her why she never told me I was buying a flat pack. Who expects FLAT PACK from HOUSE OF FRAZER for Christsakes. If I wanted flat pack I would have gone to Woodies. Right then kidnapping Anne after she finished work and forcing a screwdriver into her hand seemed like a good idea.

Many, many things were promised to the husband in order to persuade him to assemble it straight after his dinner if and only if he made a better job of it than the pile of wood in the corner of Lara's bedroom where she once used to hang her clothes.

I cleared out the room while he sighed a lot and searched for screws with the kids hinting,'your hot,your getting hotter, awwww, cold now and playing 'DRAG ME AROUND IN A COFFIN'

I slid the last book into the bookcase at 2am.

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