It is Saturday, 5.30pm and I am standing in the swimming pool with my legs opened so wide I could qualify for a Gold Medal in some category or other in the Chinese Olympics. I push Sarah through them just as The Husband comes out of the Sauna. He showers and joins us.
"Your turn, see you in 15 minutes" he says to me
"Watch Sarah will you" I say adding " now that she is able to do the crawl she sometimes doesn't realise that she has swam out of her depth."
"Yep, no problem"
"& watch Audrey, will you?" I say "she's overly ambitious"
"Look don't worry, go on off and enjoy yourself. Everything is going to be okay. I do know how to took after them you know"
I fall asleep in the steam room because I'm tired, and besides, the couple opposite can't see me slack jawed through the dense steam.
Before I know what's happening I am being woken up by the husband.
What the hell, am I still dreaming?
Standing beside him is a little girl in the middle stage of hysteria who I recognise as Audrey because of the multi colours on her swim suit, facial recognition being impossible right then due of the amount of blood all over her face.
"She stuck her finger up her nose by accident and it wont stop pumping" he says and we both roll our eyes in a sort of silent mutual agreement of the fact that some power higher than ourselves decided long long ago that rest and relaxation for parents goes against the natural laws of nature.
We walk to the changing room leaving a trail of blood behind us because we're the kind of family who likes to leave a mark wherever we go.