Dear Rachel, 16
Last night when you walked out of the house after I told you not to and you went off to meet up with your friends even though I told you you would have your pocket money stopped if you did you never thought I would follow through. But I am. So get over it. And move on. I have.
When I refused to pay you your babysitting money last night after we found you on our return on the green up the road from our house taking photos of yourself and your friends when you should have been in the house minding your sisters I was stunned to see, by your argument, that you truly thought there was nothing wrong with your actions.
I'm sorry now that you won't be able to afford to go and see the Anti Flag concert but not too sorry because you were aware of the consequences and now you ought to just suck it up.
As for your sarcastic question 'What does it feel like to be so perfect in every way?' I wasn't in the mood to answer you earlier today but I am now.
It feels........, well..........., just perfect actually.
Dear Lara/Laragh. 12
You were so brave at the dentists today when you had two of your teeth filled but the very fact that on our return home you went straight to the shops to buy chocolate leaves me with a sneaking suspicion that you haven't got the slightest idea how those holes got into your teeth in the first place.
Dear Sarah, 8
Does it hurt you to be so lovely inside and out?
Sometimes I think you're saving up all your bad behavior, you know, tucking it away in that little pink handbag of yours for a rainy day sometime in the future. Then, you'll whip it all out and batter your father and I with things like 'Why does the fact that I'm expecting twins at 15 years of age bother you and Dad so much when I'm the one being hard done by?'
Dear Audrey 6
Your Father informed me after doing a quick back of the envelope calculation that between the hours of 5.30pm and 8.30pm today you cried 8 times. That works out at 2.6 cries per hour, 1.3 per half hour or .65 of a cry every 15 minutes.