Me, in heaven. Even though it ended up being the local chipper

Dear Lara,

Yesterday you hid five of my diamond rings because things weren't going your way.

1.Your phone was broken and I refused to buy you another Sim card to use in a spare phone.

2. It was that time of the month for you.

3. I asked you to come home a little earlier than usual to cover the 10 minute gap it would take between us leaving the house and Rachel arriving from Dublin to babysit

4. And lastly you had to hoover after a sleepover in the lounge where you and two of your friends consumed this lot after 'Trick or Treating' that night.




As a result of this cunning plan of yours I couldn't catch the 7.35pm train to Dublin for my Doner Kabab with your Dad as planned because I was spending the evening sifting through the dustbin for €14,000 worth of diamond rings for the second time that night having already checked the laundry basket, all cupboards, under the mattress, the bed , duvet covers, all drawers, all pockets and every cranny of my bedroom and the children's.

Now you will never know how thankful I am to your father for his negotiation skills and of your ability to work out the mathematics of one months grounding if the rings are returned immediately versus six months if they aren't within the next week and for my motherly instinct that pointed me in the direction of YOU, sweet child of mine.

And on this note I leave you with something to ponder on this one months grounding you've received which may aid you in any future revenge attacks and just may save you from being the number one suspect under similar conditions.

'Revenge is a dish best served cold.'

I love you lots,

Mum xxxxxxx