Thursday, May 24, 2007

WHY I WANT TO DECK THE DECKERS

The Husband walks into the kitchen at 6pm after work two weeks ago and despite being with me for so many years says something which makes me understand that he hasn't got a clue about the type of person he's been married to for so long;

"I've organised some landscape gardeners to be here first thing in the morning so you'd want to get cracking on a design for your garden, you know, decking, flower beds, patio. They can't start without it and time is money."

After I drop the kids to school I rush home to work some more on my design and I wait with it in hand for them to arrive. Three long hours later and my phone rings.

It's the gardners. They're lost and are at the wrong end of this one street town. When they finally find my house they look at the garden and ask me whether or not I have a wheelbarrow.
'Yea, sure, it's with the jackhammer in the cupboard beside the fridge. Mister you're talking to the girl who plants shrubs with a kitchen fork.'

They work around the side of the house for approximately one and a half hours and then they're gone.

The next day is Friday and still no sign of them. They will be here early Monday morning the Husband informs me.

Monday comes. Nothing. One telephone call lets me know they are on a Safety Course.
Great. I'm happy now that I know they won't injure themselves digging my flowerbeds

Tuesday comes Nothing. They better wear their safty helmets when they next visit my house because I've a brother who taught me how to headbutt real good.

Wednesday comes. It's raining. 'No sorry, we don't work when it's raining.'

In the afternoon it's drizzling rain and I see out the window a small truck with a load of hard core shale. Just the stuff for putting under patio stones. Could it be for my garden?

I watch him reverse into the neighbours driveway and dump his load in front of her house. Right there in the middle of her drive way. Then, a thought enters my mind. What if he's got the wrong house? What if that pile of stones was ment for MY garden? What if.........?

Because these 5 houses are new, EVERYONE from furniture delivery men to the postmen get the numbers mixed up. A quick call to the gardners would sort that out I thought.

"Hi did you deliver a load of stones for laying under my patio to my house today?"
"No, sorry. It's raining and we don't work when it's raining"
"But it's not 'raining', it's 'drizzling'"
"Right, we don't work when it's drizzling"

I drive by my neighbours house that evening and see her shoveling shale into a brand new green wheelbarrow with red handles and wheeling it into her back garden. I wonder if she keeps it in the cupboard beside her fridge.

Thursday I call and am told they will make a start on Monday and have the job completed by the following weekend. Great.

Not. By Monday I receive a call. They won't be here till tomorrow Tuesday. Tuesday comes along with the news that they won't be here till Wednesday. Wednesday arrives and I'm not annoyed anymore just bored of all this by now. Having had to go to hospital and recuperate around a garden full of men, muck and mayhem wasn't exactly in my plans........ but then neither was what happened this morning;

The kids are all off school because their school building is being used for The Election Voting. Lara was in the study with me and she asked me to show her my leg so I pulled my tracksuit bottoms down to my knees to show her the beautiful array of colourful bruising on the top of my leg when a red van pulls up in front of the house with the logo of the Decking and Landscaping Co on the side of it and two men look in the window at us.

I pull up my tracksuit bottoms and she pulls the curtains. Nice timing boys.

1 comment:

Aisling said...

That's absolutely hilarious! Really! I've just had a deck done, lucky for me they were "deck fairies". I would come home from work each day and it would be magically done. I never had to see them even! But it wasn't landscapers, just a deck, so the rest of the jungle will remain a jungle.
Get well soon with the leg!